The world’s first Bieber-loving gangster (that we know of)

30 Nov

Every so often, along comes a story that warms even the most cynical of hearts. No, we’re not talking world peace here. Or even unprecedented acts of human kindness. We’re talking about the world’s first ever Justin-Bieber-loving gangster.

Yes, that’s right – we talking sugary sweet Justin Bieber and the decidedly less saccharine-laden criminal. And no, your eyes aren’t deceiving you – this is a mural of the teeny popstar found in the suspected druglord’s bedroom.

Justin Bieber: the gangster's celebrity of choice

In an unusual twist of fate, police found an elaborate shrine dedicated to Bieber in Brazilian gangster Luciano Martiniano da Silva’s house. It seems the hardened kingpin had a soft spot for the little tyke, boasting a hand-painted mosaic and numerous posters of the Canadian teen idol.

Of course, all this begs some serious questions on Justin Bieber’s connection with the criminal underworld. How did these two previously unconnected worlds ever collide? And what could be the consequences of such an unholy union?

It all sets a mind-boggling scene. Did the older gangsters pick on him for his taste in manufactured, pre-teen pop? Or were his underlings forced to participate in a painful charade, performing Justin Bieber hits to his every whim? And was Bieber’s “Baby” his torture method of choice?

Could crime-fighting be Wagner's latest venture?

Although we may never uncover the answers to these vital questions, one thing’s for sure: Justin Bieber is a great leveller. You can have as many heavyweight thugs, illegal firearms and recreational drugs as you like, but Bieber fans simply are not meant to be mob heavyweights. Attempting to mix the two is a little like setting The Godfather to the soundtrack of Alvin and the Chipmunks: the squeakquel. A few ill-fated, squeaky notes from either chipmunk or Bieber would shatter even the most carefully built reputations.

Still, we couldn’t help wondering what miracles these revelations could work for law enforcement teams. Just imagine – would Al Pacino have ever succeeded if he had supported X Factor’s Wagner? And could the Krays ever have built notoriety if they were outed as S Club 7 fans? Yes, planting a few choice tween CDs could be the policeman’s new secret weapon.

Who knows, Justin Bieber’s music may become a blessing in a very well-crafted disguise.

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