Tag Archives: footballers wives

The Apprentice – even when they’re shit, they’re good

2 Dec

It was the quote that summed up Stuart Baggs’ entire stint on The Apprentice. Last night’s edition of You’re Fired saw ‘the brand’ tell the house: “How great is that – even when we’re shit, we win!”

Yes indeed, even when Stuart is aimlessly driving around race tracks, confusing Germans and telling them he has a white sausage, Stuart always manages to pull it out of the Baggs, so to speak. Which left the whole nation wondering: how? Is he just plain lucky? Or is he covertly using hypnosis on Karen and Nick (with Stuart, any skill is possible) to fiddle the figures?

Either way, he’s becoming compulsive viewing. Last night being French emerged as one of his many hidden talents, which so far have included a surprising number of voice-over personas and a complex German vocabulary. Then, on his trip to Paris, he stunned us once again by ordering wine with a suave “s’il vous plaît” and skipping around Paris in a beret. It’s times like this when we wonder why Anglo-French relations are so sour.

Footballers' Wives Chardonnay

But while we could wax lyrical all day about Stuart’s talents, a far more pressing matter has come to our attention. Yes, it seems boardroom favourite Liz is actually an impostor. According to our sources (by sources, we mean us) Liz is the exact body double of Susie Amy, best known as Chardonnay in landmark trash TV series Footballers’ Wives.

We believe Susie is hoping to escape her shameful Footballers’ Wives past by reinventing herself as business-minded “Liz”, a serious contender in Sir Alan’s boardroom. Only this will ever win back the respect of her colleagues, who reportedly shunned her after the end of her on-screen marriage to Gary Lucy.

The Apprentice's Liz Locke

The question is: will Sir Alan still champion “Liz” after he discovers her X-rated past as a Footballers’ Wives glamour girl? He doesn’t seem the type to approve of her character’s antics, which have included not-so-tastefully-done bondage sessions and several brushes with plastic surgery. Still, only time will tell.

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